Self-esteem: Connecting Values to Goals

Exploring where you came from and validating your own experience is a great way to start building self-esteem. After you begin validating yourself, you might notice cutting yourself some slack more frequently. From that point you can start to consider your likes and dislikes.

Values

On the path of identifying your values, its nice to notice your likes and dislikes developed from previous experiences. What is your favorite memory? What were you doing? Who was there? What was the environment like? In your favorite memories, find activities you enjoy, people you like to be around, or maybe you most like being with yourself. You can also observe the type of scenery you most enjoy.

Once you observe what you like to do, who you like to be around, and where you like to be, you can then think of what your values are. Were you doing physical activity in one of your favorite memories? Maybe you value physical health or adventure. Were you listening to music? Perhaps you value creativity. Were you around family and friends? In this case you may value relationships.

You don’t always have to make lists or put things down on paper. Dreaming it up in your imagination can be just as useful as writing it down. In the case of building self-esteem, it can be nice to see a list of you what you value and like written in front of you. The concept of who you are and what you stand for can get clearer and clearer. You could do this exercise once every couple of months or once a year to notice if your values stay the same or if preferences change. Shifts in your values can mean growth. You’re allowed to change and grow with time, but your core values will likely stay the same. Write your values out as a statement about yourself. “I am ______ and I value connection, harmony, creativity and health.” You could look at this statement and ponder it from time to time. Notice how it makes you feel when you get clear on your values.

Self-Acceptance

Acknowledging and accepting who you are helps greatly with self-esteem. When you’ve identified what you value, notice how cool it is that you value those things. Identify the ways your values make you a unique and special person. You can get detailed with this idea. If its a challenge to find things that are good about what you value, try asking a friend, a family member, a therapist, or even Googling it. Think about the ways your values add to your quality of life and the reasons you value those things.

Let yourself be where you are in your process of growth. It can take time to accept things about yourself and your preferences. But once you do, you can build on those qualities and find things that you appreciate about yourself.

Exposure

Your values can be a source of self-esteem. Once you have self-awareness, know what you want and who you want to be, you can start acting as such more often. When you carry your values into action, you may find that you enjoy your daily life more. A good way to build self-esteem is to challenge yourself to growth opportunities. Finding something that intimidates you a little bit and doing it anyway can result in serious self-esteem gains.

To increase self-esteem, you may need to use some form of exposure. Exposure therapy is when a person is exposed to a situation, event, or object that triggers anxiety in a controlled manner. Over time, exposure can lessen fear or anxiety related to a situation. We often value things that also intimidate us. If that’s the case, you can consider working with a therapist to support you in exposing yourself to what you want in your life.

Keep in mind that healthy exposure includes things that will be good for you in the long run, not necessarily exposing yourself to fears that could be dangerous. For example, if you value community and relationships but struggle with social anxiety, joining a group or starting up conversations with people in public could cause anxiety, but is ultimately a healthy exposure towards your values.

Building self-esteem is a process. Look at times in your life you’ve enjoyed most, and from them, draw conclusions about your values. Take action by exposing yourself in a healthy way to fears that could be holding you back in expressing yourself through your values. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist for support in this process of self-acceptance.